Flexible cultural sex roles:
This article predominately focuses on how men can lead & initiate in heterosexual relationships. Though I do think its perfectly healthy for both men & women to make decisions within an relationship. Highly polarised gender roles typically can verge on being overly controlling, possessive & dysfunctional because they have an extremely one-sided imbalanced power dynamic. When their is an element of fluidity in a relationship it can bring flexibility & reduced stress. If one person has astronomical control in a relationship in can feel like slavery rather than a mutually beneficial relationship. There is a difference between being ‘in control’ versus ‘being controlling’.
Relational leading: a lost art form
The concept of ‘leading’ can be a controversial topic within intimate relationships as some view it as an over controlling behaviour. Leading can take two definitions. Leading in a relational sense typically means taking a person or group of people from one location or aim to another desired aim or end-point. ‘Leading’ can also mean ‘the most important’ for example somebody being the leading expert in a particular field of competence or industry. Interestingly, I think leading is one the most important things a man can do to increase the success of his intimate relationships.
I refer to leading as ‘a lost art form’ as many men forget to do this & despite being such a subtle element within a relationship, it can either amplify attraction or sadly quickly diminish it. Leading isn’t hyper-controlling another persons behaviour but simply a gift you give your partner or group of people to take the burden off their shoulders to have to be the decision-maker. Leading exemplifies confidence, boldness & decisiveness.
Leading: a masculine gift to give your partner
This article is predominately orientated towards men leading within their intimate relationships. Leading can be both done my male & female counterparts. However, I think a masculine gift a man can offer his partner is he can offer his leadership skills & clarity of direction. This can be a stress relief for the female counterpart and signifies her man as a sense of direction for the future for the relationship which can signify added security for her.
Sexual polarity: Male leadership activates your partners feminine essence
Sexual polarity within an intimate relationship is arguably at the cornerstone of passionate intimate relationships. The most masculine a man acts within relationships the more he will polarise his partner into her feminine essence. Leading is an extension of masculine polarity. If a man decides to claim the masculine pole within his relationship, he will be rewarded with his partner exemplifying her feminine energy. A lack of male guidance in relationships can sometimes make the female counterpart question her mans confidence, clarity & direction of where the relationship is actually going & is it worth the journey at all…
I have always said the highest unspoken compliment a man can receive from any woman is that she acts primarily within her feminine energy (or female orientated character traits: empathy / compassionate / warmth / kindness) within his presence. Typically when a woman doesn’t fully trust her mans masculine core or guidance, she will uphold a masculine layer to maintain the relationship equilibrium & emotional homeostasis.
An intimate relationship really is almost like a third personality. We typically seek partners who possess opposite tendencies to delegate roles or tasks we don’t feel comfortable doing ourselves. Also we can then model how to bring out certain lagging character traits within ourselves when we have a partner who can demo them traits to us in realtime.
Frame control: “the feminine is the painting & the masculine is the picture frame”
Leading essentially means holding the ‘frame’ is direction for where things are going. I have often used the analogy ‘the feminine is painting and the masculine is the picture frame’. This is often used to describe the woman as the beauty & radiance in the relationship and the masculine is the protection & containment field. Personally, I view the masculine role in the relationship to protect & lead. Frame control plays means being bold in your decisions to move things forward and just allow your partner to relax & enjoy the journey. Frame is just your social operating system & the dominant narrative you operate within. I highly suggest reading my article ‘social invincibility: establishing superior frame control’ for more information on this.
A man being overly passive in his relationship can make his female partner resentful
A common pitfall men make is they become lazy within their relationship once it has begun. “Courtship never ends.” The relationship is like a third entity which requires time / attention / effort, otherwise it is destined to fail. By upholding what Rollo Tomassi calls ‘the male burden of performance’ you ensure for a happier relationship. A common example of when men miss potential opportunities to lead within the decision making process in the relationship. Example:
Woman: “What do you want to do today?”
Man: “What would you like to do?”
Woman: “Well I don’t know…”
Man: “Well don’t know either…”
Woman: “…”
Though this may seem harmless. It can convey a lack of boldness, confidence, leadership, direction & clarity. A more proactive stance the male counterpart could of taken is to take the lead in the first place. For example: Man: “I want to take you XYZ at 1pm Tuesday.” Everything that minimises the female counterpart having to control the entire situation by herself. This isn’t coming from a stance of a ‘white knight mentality’ either… Leading to me is a way a man can increase attraction in his relationship & is a transferable skill he can use in other areas of his life too. By organising the whole date, your partner can just enjoy the journey without having to stress about times, dates & places.
Closing:
Hope you have enjoyed this article. Be sure to share it with someone who may it beneficial.
Go forth & may your power be legendary
Joshua Leo Stuart
SOCIAL MAGNETIC ATTRACTION 